You spit out your tea and dangle a soggy microwave-meal forkfull mid air. With mouth agape and half-chewed matter drooping down your jaws you make no attempt to stop it. With astonishment and incredulity you watch as a formless blob comes out your TV and oozes its way along the well-stained carpet towards you. Slowly and gradually its becoming corporeal in its slow descent from the goggle box and inevitably towards you on the sofa. A recognizable human form starts to take shape before your very eyes. The fork upends as you gape in sheer horror as the 'thing' gets closer to you, until, right between your legs, it stands. You shiver, 'this isn't happening', you pray, but the physicality of the situation is all too real. Looming like impending doom, you are in its shadow and as the flickering light from your TV screen moves and jerks you let out a loud silence penetrating fart as your bowels prepare for the final movement. All too soon 'it' moves and lifts an arm, extending a hand, until it is almost to your face, and you see in the hand some paper, folded over, and you take this note, on which is written the following information:
-Almost 90% of Australia is dry, flat and arid. Almost three-quarters of the land cannot support agriculture in any form.
-Australia was founded by convicts. Its homicide rate is 1.8 per 100, 000 population. The United States was founded by religiious zealots. Its homicide rate is 6.3 per 100, 000 population. 400% greater than Australia.
-Per capita Australians spend more money on gambling than any other nation in the world. Taking into account that they represent less than 1% of the world's total population, Australia has more than 20% of its poker machines.
-Perth is the sunniest capital city on the world, with an average 8 hours sunshine per day, 365 days a year.
-Perth also has the highest population, per capita of self-made millionaires in the world, and even has the largest inner-city park in the world (bigger even than New York's Central Park).
-Western Australia has the highest standard of housing in the world - with 5 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms, a veranda and a swimming pool very common to most homes.
-Broome is the Pearling capital of the world.
Who said that reality was all about what is known.
FactBoy wuz ere.
Monday, February 23, 2009
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